Charlie's School Story.

Following on from Charlie’s Autism journey last week for World Autism day, it is impossible to talk about the autism journey and diagnosis without sharing the school journey as this inevitably led to the autism diagnosis.

Up until Charlie started Reception, there was no indication that Charlie would struggle academically or in an educational environment. He met all his milestones other than speech, and other than communication issues which was easily interpreted by his caregivers, me, his dad and his childminder there was no reason to suggest Charlie would struggle with anything else. Charlie was with a childminder from 10 months old, childminders always worked with my other 2 children and it was a personal preference to have a childminder rather than a private day nursery. I must state at this time (or ever) I have never had family to support me while working and I worked full time before Charlie came along, and when returning back to work after maternity leave I returned to full time work. So childminders were always the preference given my shift patterns which have evolved and developed numerous times over the years.

When Charlie turned 3, I took him to the local nursery school which was attached to the infant school I wanted Charlie to attend. Both my older children had gone to this infant school, and my daughter had gone to the nursery, it was the obvious choice.

He was incredibly clingy when I left him at nursery and many times I had to stay with him the longest out of all the parents. It became apparent that on my one day off a week (Wednesday) I struggled to leave him, and he struggled to settle. He did manage to settle for his childminder however. On the sports day Charlie became extremely distressed when he saw me in the crowd watching him, he needed me there. I was the only parent to sit with the children for the morning. I dread to imagine what would of happened if I hadn’t of been there.

Charlie started school in September 2016. This was a local mainstream school that both my children had attended for many many years since 2010. Unfortunately, our local authority was in a pay dispute with the SEN teaching assistants and they were striking regularly. Knowing what I know now about autism, and routines it totally makes sense how unsettling these strikes were for Charlie. The school closed on all different days at all different times. There was no pattern to the closures it was completely random. His classroom was chaotic, there were several high level children in there, and Charlie really struggled with the noise. He was sitting under tables, or in the reading corner in total isolation not engaging in the lessons at all. However, in parents evening Charlie’s teacher said he was a dream and no trouble at all. But, his speech had regressed, his behaviour had become unmanageable and in four months he still couldn’t write his name. Even though he had written his name in nursery, academically he had not progressed at all. This was the first indication there was some SEN development issues, however, no mention at all about autism or attending the pathway.

It was Christmas 2016 that I decided to move Charlie to another local primary school. I was not happy with Charlie’s classroom environment and his behaviour at home was unmanageable. I was struggling to juggle everything and I thought that a move would make us all happier. He moved in February 2017. I had no idea that this move would begin the spiral of events that eventually lead us to the most distressing school journey to find the right school. Charlie struggled to settle in this new environment and there was extreme incidents which was very distressing. He was restrained, something that had never happened before and that he ended up having trauma from. He was excluded numerous times and he was isolated. By May half term the school had requested support from the local Pupil Referral Unit. It was the school that first suggested autism and a pathway, and by now we had a family support worker as the school had successfully filled out a Early Help Assessment.

But it wasn’t to be. In June, there was one final exclusion, he was 5 years old, still in reception. I was struggling at work. I had already dropped and changed my hours as much as possible in order to support Charlie the best way I could. He was permanently excluded and I took 4 weeks off sick, unfortunately days before my return to work I developed appendicitis and was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery. I was signed off for another 6 weeks due to complications in surgery because of previous abdominal surgeries. By this time Charlie had entered the PRU and he was attending just one hour a day. Life was unbelievably difficult. I had no support, we were totally unaware of Charlie’s struggles and I was told there was a 12 month waiting list to see the community paediatrician.

You can read more about the diagnosis journey in the diagnosis blog.

The PRU attempted to get Charlie into a programme called infair access, which meant he could attend another local mainstream school within the City. After the 12 weeks and myself viewing and researching a couple of schools I was not happy about this suggestion, it didn’t sit right with me and I wanted Charlie to have the most support possible as I didn’t want Charlie to become excluded again. I applied for an EHCP, with the help of the family support worker. Unfortunately, she left the family in December 2017 because of a change of job role. Because of all of the changes, I thought it unnecessary to have another family support worker and because the school had a family liaison officer I was happy to work with her instead.

It took 3 months to gather enough information to apply for the EHCP myself. It then became apparent that the life admin of a SEN child is so unbelievably different and heavier to that of a non SEN child. I had no idea. We were granted the EHCP in July 2018, and I had been looking for mainstream schools in our local area that could support Charlie. I did not even consider the SEN schools and to be honest, I was wrongly informed that it would go to panel and Charlie would not be accepted for special education. I saw many many schools and I only felt one would meet Charlie’s needs. The school decided that it needed more support and funding than the LA was offering to support Charlie so refused his placement. It went to panel. Panel overturned the decision and Charlie was awarded a place in November 2018. I was overjoyed, I loved the school and thought it was really inclusive and that Charlie would thrive here with the right support and the right EHCP. Little did I know, his EHCP had been very poorly assessed and written and did not reflect his needs at all. Because of lack of funding from the LA Charlie was unable to begin until January.

Unfortunately we never made it passed the transition stage. He never made it into a classroom, he was isolated from his peers, didn’t settle and the sensory processing difficulties that we now know he has made it impossible for him to ever fully integrate into a mainstream environment. There was so many issues including situations where he would abscond, attack and again be restrained. By April 2019 he was once again permanently excluded. He was 7 years old. Of course, he bounced back into the PRU.

Charlie remained at the PRU until March 2020 and then Covid 19 shut the schools. He never managed more than 3 hours in the PRU on average it was around 1.5 - 2 hours. Times where he stayed the full 3 hours were purely circumstantial as I had to visit schools that were an hour’s drive away, or attend workshops and training that were essential to knowing how to parent Charlie effectively. On these days, he didn’t cope, was restrained or put outside in the corridor. Some days, he spent the whole 3 hours in the corridor. It was a horrific time, but I didn’t have much choice. He couldn’t come with me, especially to the training, or to the school visits it just simply wasn’t appropriate. I was on my own, there was no help from the other parent at this stage who had moved on and was living as part of another family and was extremely unsupportive. I have no family and the LA was beyond useless. All in all I visited 17 schools in Derby City, Derbyshire, Nottinghamshire and Staffordshire. And rang countless more speaking to the SENCO in schools in Cheshire, Gr Manchester, Leicestershire, Rutland and South Yorkshire.

In February 2020 I called for an emergency EHCP review. After the permanent exclusion in 2019 the EHCP had sat in draft for 10 months. This is simply not good enough. The LA had agreed to SEN provision in July 2019. I called for a review and as a result the PRU agreed they were not meeting need. It was then I discovered the LA had fully expected to continue the remainder of his education at the PRU given the fact he had 2 permanent exclusions!! Charlie was only in Year 3. Luckily the school were fully behind me and supportive and knew it was not the right environment to educate Charlie.

During all this, I had been to visit a school in November 2019 and enquired whether or not they felt they could support Charlie. They thought yes, given his EHCP and his diagnosis. This school had been closed to us before as he hadn’t got a diagnosis, however, on getting the diagnosis in October 2019 this school was then available for us to enquire about. This is frustrating in itself, as if Charlie had been seen and diagnosed straight away, he would not have had the traumas and school exclusions he did and possibly could of been placed in this school up to 2 years earlier. Charlie was further assessed by the school and they offered a placement in February, I informed the LA.

When the finalised EHCP went to panel in March 2020 with my recommendation of school the LA named a special school 35 miles away because it was cheaper. I could not believe it. After everything, they were still trying to put costs before Charlie’s education. I immediately launched an appeal to take the decision to tribunal. Luckily Covid 19 happened, and Charlie never had to attend the school 35 miles away, which now is an absolute miracle as we know, he has struggled so much to transition into his current school. The LA’s suggestion was so inappropriate.

Three months into the appeal, the LA conceded with their school and decided that actually the school I had chosen for Charlie was far more appropriate. I can now confidently evidence this, and I will continue to vocally verbalise the struggles we have had. Charlie started his current school in September 2020 and it has been an incredibly slow transition, however, that is to be expected given the level of trauma. Although we got the school placement best met for Charlie’s needs, I didn’t give up the tribunal appeal. I actually continued, as the EHCP content was seriously lacking to support Charlie’s needs and we had no respite not a single second of it which is something that was put forward at appeal. The LA had to do a carer’s assessment and with that we were awarded 50 hours of community respite which was recently increased to 100 hours (we have a fantastic caseworker). Just 2 days before our court date in October 2020 we received notification that the LA had agreed to all of our recommendations in the EHCP and the respite care. What a result all those years of fighting and advocating for Charlie, he finally gets what he deserves.

If you have followed us for a while, you will know that it has been a long slow transition since September 2020 and Charlie only accessed full time, full days in school in February 2021. This is 4 years since the school refusals first started after his change of mainstream reception class and school, and 5 years since he started school, 5 years and 5 schools. The journey has been incredibly traumatic and at times I’ve wanted to give up. Everyone in our immediate family has suffered as a result and the ripple effect from this will haunt us for years.

For now though, the journey is complete. His school are experts at transitions and I’m hoping for smoothish transitions, through the years and through the classrooms. Luckily his school is up to aged 19 so fingers crossed this is the final school placement for Charlie lucky school number 5.

Well done if you managed to get to the end. It was quite a read.

Georgina x

Autism Awareness Week. Charlie's Story.

This week March 29th - April 4th 2021 is autism awareness week and today April 2nd is World autism awareness day. Not sure why we need awareness I’m sure the world is completely aware, it’s just not accepting! Or celebrated. Not always anyway.

I’m going to talk through Charlie’s diagnosis journey. I always knew there was something about Charlie I just didn’t know what. He was more challenging than my other 2 children, more clingy, needed more attention, less responsive and impossible to discipline. Just before he turned 3 we moved into a new house, it was the 3rd house we had been in and I had changed my job and my hours too (several times) it was so hard trying to balance working full time and caring for 3 children under 10 so I had to make tough decisions. Charlie also changed childcare providers too. Luckily he was then at the same childminder from 2years old until 5 and full time school.

Anyway, I digress when he was 3 I had a terrible month during December, life was hectic 2 children at school needing nativity plays, Christmas fayres, Christmas carols, having children at mainstream school at Christmas was a really heavy busy time. Working, and trying to prepare for Christmas was impossible as a single mum and Charlie would not settle he became intolerable. After Christmas I made an appointment with the GP and expressed my concerns, they put in an Early Help Assessment (EHA) and we were given a family support worker. She was commissioned to work with us for 10 sessions. Now, when I think back to this it was absolutely shocking how little that support is. It’s 10 hours. That’s it, 10 hours. She assured me I was doing fine and a great parent and there was no need to go on any parenting courses (how this narrative would change). Of course, she saw the example of my older children that had no issues and were functioning at a higher than average ability so assumed that there was no need for any other intervention as I was quite capable. We were discharged.

At around this time life looked like :

  • Sleep was horrific, I had to co-sleep with Charlie. There was no other option.

  • We tried the cinema, he screamed and cried relentlessly until I left. Taking the other two very upset children with me.

  • He didn’t like to get dressed.

  • Had speech input as had a significant speech delay.

  • Screamed uncontrollably every time I tried to get his hair cut, cut his nails or bath him. Personal care was high on the list of daily struggles.

  • Went to the national space centre when he was 2, became unsettled while in the planetarium, so I had to take him out and leave my other two children in there with my cousin.

  • Going anywhere became intolerable, so it was better to just not do anything.

Now I can see clear evidence of his struggles, yet autism was never mentioned and was never suggested by any professional that came into contact with us.

A year later he was heading into nursery. This is the same nursery that my daughter had been too, so the manager pushed for speech and language input and made sure that he had the support put in place. It has been invaluable to document just how long Charlie’s social and communication difficulties have affected him. School is where the challenges really began.

You can read more about the school story in another blog.

Mainstream school started in September 2016, by February 2017 due to difficulties I had moved Charlie to a new mainstream school. Within 3 months that placement had broken down irretrievably. It was when I moved him to his new school that we were yet again given an EHA and the same family support worker. This time she had a different take on things, this time she knew that we needed additional support and we needed the ASD pathway. Firstly, she organised the DLA forms, this was intricate in us moving forward as a family as it meant I could leave work which was incredibly painful for me as I had been with the NHS for almost 8 years. But ultimately the right decision.

This was when autism became a common word in our house, and I started to understand the complexities about what Charlie might need. Once I started parenting him as an autistic child I found the behaviour shift, his behaviour became more manageable and I understood what he was communicating to me. It was a huge barrier that we had overcome. I had to research and learn everything I knew about autism, there were no resources open to me. Charlie was undiagnosed, so although he was under assessment during this period all doors were shut. There was no help, no support, no resources unless I funded it myself or set about finding it. The support was non existent from anywhere and that is where I feel this journey failed us all, Charlie, myself, and my other children separately and as a family. As we all know early intervention is the best intervention.

Once we were awarded DLA I assumed it wouldn’t be long before we saw a community paediatrician, how wrong was I? We wait a year to see the first paediatrician and a further year to see the 2nd. We were under diagnosis for 18 months. Charlie was finally diagnosed with autism in October 2019. He needed a multi disciplinary team to diagnose him, paediatrician, speech and language and a clinical psychologist. After the 2nd paediatrician appointment I was told there was a 16 month waiting list to see clinical psychology. In between all of this we had so many traumas with school as explained in the school story blog.

We received no respite, and the school situation was dire. Just 6 months into this 16 month wait I had a breakdown, nothing was happening and we were in crisis daily with challenging behaviour. I began a campaign to speed up Charlie’s referral and diagnosis, I wrote to the MP and I started a gofundme to raise money myself to get him privately diagnosed. I lodged complaints with everyone. It was incredibly draining advocating for him at this level and it had a huge impact on both my mental health and our family life which devastated me. This did not speed up the clinical psychology department but instead allowed the paediatrician to make a formal diagnosis with input from speech and language therapists, school and a private occupational therapist.

Since diagnosis, I was handed a parent pack with some details of local autism services. I wasn’t ready to look at them at the time, everything was so overwhelming. Although the diagnosis made sense, nothing prepares you. It is a lifelong condition and Charlie won’t “grow out of it” he will always be autistic and he is my superhero. Life is so challenging yet we find happiness and strength in so much that we do together. We have had to adapt our lives to support Charlie and regulating and understanding autism is paramount to us living our best lives. We don’t know what the future holds, I’ve never had an autistic child before Charlie this is all new territory I am just winging it. Below are some links that might help.

National Autistic Society (autism.org.uk)

Contact - for families with disabled children | Contact

Signs and Symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorders | CDC

https://www.nottinghamshire.gov.uk/media/2421/nice-guidelines-on-asd-signs-and-symptoms.pdf

Georgina x

Dyslexia

Dyslexia is a subject extremely close to my heart. Not only do members of my immediate family have it but members of my extended family too. So when I write about this subject I am writing from the heart as I know the difficulties it can come with. Dyslexia is a specific learning difficulty that does not affect intelligence but does impact on daily life and especially schooling.

Dyslexia - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

Charlie has not yet been assessed he is currently working 4 years behind academically due to school trauma and I do not know how they will ever assess his learning needs as the demand to learn is so overwhelming for him.

Dyslexia is so much more than not knowing how to spell and is classed as a disability. No two people will have the same strengths and weaknesses with dyslexia just like with autism so it is irrelevant if someone you know has dyslexia, their experience isn’t the same as another person’s experience. For eg, your boyfriend having dyslexia is not the same as my sister having it, hypothetically speaking. Exactly the same as with autism and dementia. They are all brain functioning conditions and we all have a different brain!

What is Dyslexia? - The Dyslexia Association -The Dyslexia Association

What isn’t helpful is suggesting someone use apps like Grammarly, yes they can improve some writing skills but it is not the solution. Grammarly isn’t compatible with Mac for example so will not work. It also uses American English as it is an American company, so that is definitely not helpful if you want to proof read a job application for example. People with learning difficulties already have to navigate huge barriers in the employment world giving them advice that might hinder them further could be particularly detrimental to them. The article below shows the difference between premium and the free version of Grammarly and the premium is $29 a month so not cheap in the slightest.

Is Grammarly worth the money (greatbritishmag.co.uk)

Instead there are other helpful apps and training that you can attend to extend your knowledge on dyslexia as seen below. I will definitely be looking more into this as it is present in our family.

8 Useful Apps to Help with Dyslexia | Supporting Learners (highspeedtraining.co.uk)

I’m sure this is not the last time I will write about this subject.

Remember, don’t mock people’s spelling it’s a learning difficulty and a disability if they have a diagnosis of dyslexia. If you do mock, then it really does say more about you than it does about a person who is attempting life through disability and trying to climb inaccessible mountains. Correcting their spelling is not helpful and pointing out their disability is ableist and discriminative. Do better, educate yourself and support others. Just be kind.

Georgina x

Ableist Language

First let me talk about ableism. Ableism is the term used when others use discrimination against a person who is disabled or perceived as disabled in relation to their abilities and therefore define them inferior. Ableism is the social construct that able persons are more superior and that non able persons such as people with disabilities are defined by their disability. Ableism exist, it is deep rooted in society and makes the world inaccessible to those with disabilities.

Ableist language is something that I am trying to be more aware of. I didn’t know, until I had Charlie what the word ableist meant and the impact of using ableist language. In short, ableist language is using words that are abusive or damaging to disabled people or about a disability. For e.g. the word “moron” is ableist against those with an intellectual disability. See the blog below for more references to ableist language.

Autistic Hoya — A blog by Lydia X. Z. Brown: Ableism/Language

When you use ableist language or ableism you are contributing to a world that actively makes disability inaccessible. You are contributing to a world that wants a social model that doesn’t include disability. You are harming those with disabilities by denying them access into a world where we should all be equal. Terms like “moron” “idiot” “retarded” were often used by medical professions and in medical journals as a way of institutionalising disabled people and categorising them as being lesser humans. No one is lesser of a human through disability. And frankly if you use words like this you should get yourself more education and educate yourself on the harm of ableist language, correct your error and apologise.

If I have ever used ableist language I wholeheartedly apologise, I am now better educated and well informed. The ableist jar is a good way to keep on top of your language if you need help.

The Ableist Jar

I hope this has been informative. I will work hard to ensure that I keep in check of the language I use. Afterall language is so powerful.

Here is another link aimed at autism and ableism.

Autism awareness: ableism, language and misconceptions | Together Trust

Happy Good Friday.

Georgina x

10 tips to accessible social media.

I touched on making social media more accessible in my previous blog. Its’s something I’ve been keen to do for a while now and I think I am getting the hang of it. I’m going to share some tips on how to make social media more accessible.

Social media has transformed the lives of many in the disability community. For those that struggle with communication and socialisation it is a lifeline to access the modern world around them. Social media provides the disability community with a tool to share their lived experiences through blogs, to raise awareness, increase campaigns. Social media gives people opportunities to work for themselves, in a world where working for an employer in particular is at a huge disadvantage to a person with any form of disability because of accessibility issues then working for yourself is a huge advantage to bridge that gap and ensure inclusivity and equality.

Here are the most recommended tips to make your social media more accessible.

1) Caption your stories/videos.

By captioning your stories and videos you are making content more accessible. I don’t use talking stories on social media for a number of reasons. But captioning your stories or using the auto caption button makes a difference to a number of people. If you enjoy talking on stories, why not make it so everyone can see/hear what you’re saying.

2) Image description.

Did you know if you don’t put up an image description then a screen reader won’t be able to read it out to someone who is visually impaired. Your content might be missed by possibly hundreds of people. You can use #ImageID, (ImageID) (Image Description) or #AltText.

3) Use hashtags in camelcase.

You’ve heard of upper and lower case, do you know what camelCase is? CamelCase is where the first letter of every next word in the hashtag is capitalised. Let me break this down with #advocatingforcharlie will not be picked up by a screen reader however, #AdvocatingForCharlie will be. Do you see the difference? Each new word in the hashtag has a capital letter.

4) Avoid text in images.

If posting images, avoid using images with lots of text. Pictures work best, with image descriptions written underneath. See above for image description ideas.

5) Avoid multiple emojis.

Use emojis sparingly, avoid using them multiple times in content. And always use them at the end of a sentence rather than in the middle.

6) Create trigger warnings

If your content might contain information or descriptions is of a sensitive nature or could cause trauma to the reader, start your content with a trigger warning. Protect your reader, so that they have the control over if they want to continue seeing the content. Take responsibility for your content.

7) Avoid ableist language.

This is something that can be deeply distressing and offensive. Please consider your language. I will be covering this further in the future.

8) Support and follow disability activists, writers, artists and content influencers.

If your social media accounts are to serve a community, then follow those in that community with disabilities. Such a great example of this is the recent film by Sia on autism that cast a non autistic person to play the role of an autistic person for the film. No, on every level just no. Sia should of cast an autistic person for that role and as such the film has come under a lot of criticism - rightly so. I follow a huge neuro diverse community along with many parent bloggers that share their page to raise awareness of their child’s disabilities. However, by following those that are neurodivergent it opens my eyes to the lived experiences rather than just those from a parent’s perspective. Be aware that your following is representive of the community you are advocating for.

9) New accessibility features.

As social media grows and develops keep a look out for new features that will make content more accessible. Instagram just this week released the auto caption button and although it hasn’t rolled out across all accounts yet, it is still a huge step forward.

10) BSL is important too.

If your followers consist on many from the deaf community you may want to think about introducing BSL, ASL or Makaton to make some of your content more accessible still.

Of course, I am far from being perfect on the grid and on social media but I am making efforts to change that and become a place where there is accessibility for all. It is really important for me to get this right and be inclusive. Please feel free to send me DMs if you feel I am not making social media accessible or if I am doing something wrong. I really don’t mind criticism for something so important.

Below are some links of articles and blogs sharing the benefits of making social media accessible and ways this can be achieved.

Accessible images for everyone (twitter.com)

How do I edit the alternative text for a photo on Instagram? | Instagram Help Centre

Facebook Accessibility | Facebook

Web Accessibility Guidelines | Digital Accessibility (princeton)

https://accessibility.princeton.edu/policy/web

9 Best Practices to Make Social Media Accessible to Everyone (shondaland.com)

Making your social media accessible - RNIB - See differently

Social Media as a Communication Tool for Disabled People - Everyone Can

How to Make Your Social Media Content More Accessible - Portent

How to Caption Social Media Videos and Boost Engagement (3playmedia.com)

Thanks for reading.

Georgina x

My birthday week

This week I celebrated another lockdown birthday. It was much better than the last one, but it still had it’s difficulties. I know now that Charlie needs routine and structure otherwise he just falls apart and really struggles to regulate. So things like birthdays are really tough. There’s an air of difference, Charlie knows today is different but he just doesn’t know why. I try and keep it all low key, but it’s not easy as people want to celebrate with me. And it’s hard to expect others to step inside your shoes without that in depth knowledge of how you manage day to day to keep the calm. Needless to say, because Thursday morning was “different” it spiralled Charlie and he was struggling to go to school. I had made plans with my boyfriend who had booked the day off work for it. For Charlie not to go to school would of put a big dint in our plans, but we would have to accept it. Because ultimately Charlie comes first and his needs are more important. Luckily by the magic of google play and an online game (I am normally against bribery) Charlie went to school at around 10.15am. However, it was short lived and by 1.30pm he was asking to come home. We now recognise, that when he asks to come home it is a positive and he is not regulating his emotions at school. Beforehand, this would of led to his emotions spiralling and then inevitably being in a situation where he would be physical, be restrained and be excluded. And that is something I desperately want to avoid as it is not in his best interests and would undo all his hard work.

I have been working on a sensory processing blog. I started it in February! And it’s been impossible to finish because there is so much information that I have gathered. Sensory processing is an area of Charlie’s development that he really struggles with and it impacts his life greatly. It would be great to share this with you all as I feel it can turn into a positive discussion which will resonate with a lot of families.

I also want to make my social media more accessible so everyone can benefit from it. I have started adding image descriptions and using hash tags capitalising the first letter of a new word so that screen readers can read them. I always caption on stories as I don’t do talking stories. There’s a number of reasons for this, mostly because I want the focus of this account to be on Charlie and the difficulties we have at accessing life, when it really shouldn’t be that hard. I don’t want to shift that focus onto myself which I feel I can risk if I start doing talking life, daily stories. Our life is pretty boring tbh there’s actually not much to share!! I also have a skin condition that can flare up at any point and that will not be helpful if I am on stories daily it would actually add to my stress levels. So that is the reasons why for now.

Things to focus on - accessible social media, and sensory processing blog.

And all the other blogs that are hiding in me waiting to come out. I have a feeling that the Easter holidays will definitely move towards completing this. I know Charlie can’t wait to finish for Easter. And we all want the eggs.

Georgina x

We did it!

I thought this week was going to be a wash out. We had an incident in swimming on Wednesday which meant that Charlie had to be removed from the pool. On Thursday I got the dreaded call. You know the one, the one you dread thinking that the worst of the worst has happened and your child is being excluded. It wasn’t that bad but after only 2 hours I was asked to pick Charlie up. I was devastated, we were doing so well. Charlie was doing so well.

In the past, being sent home (almost every day in some cases, in periods of Charlie’s mainstream experience) was a gateway to destructive behaviour that would escalate and Charlie would deliberately cause situations where he was sent home. Because of this, I gave up my career, I had no other choice. I am on my own with Charlie and he needed me at every point of the school day, I had to be accessible to him throughout the school day. It was impossible to manage a career and Charlie and let’s face it Charlie would always win. His education and mental health was always my priority. So naturally when I get these phone calls to go and pick him up I am transported back to those dark days where we struggled to survive.

After Thursday’s call I genuinely didn’t know how I would manage Friday, and swimming too! Charlie is INCREDIBLY fortunate to access swimming twice a week. However, after Wednesday’s incident I had my reservations. But he smashed it my little hero! He went, with some, ok a lot of prompting. And I was so happy! Especially when I found out that Charlie went swimming today too. What a result. I am so proud of him for conquering these barriers head on.

It did give me food for thought though. I often toy with the idea of going back to full time work or increasing my hours to be more financially stable. But, then I get those phone calls and I have those mornings when tempting Charlie in the car is a very stressful experience and him knowing I take him every morning and every evening pick him up and that sort of stability is paramount for Charlie’s mental wellbeing and for keeping him regulated. I am going to need a very flexible job and a very understanding employer and that is going to be difficult. Balancing Charlie’s needs and a career feels like it will be impossible.

Following on from that, I have finally finished the Disability Living Allowance form and gathering the evidence needed for Charlie’s claim. It is up for renewal in June and there is normally around a 12 week wait. Up until now, we have had two 2 year awards and it would be lovely if we get a longer one next time. As these forms and the evidence gathering for it takes such an emotional toll on me. Not knowing whether we will be re-awarded and the stress of what will happen if we are not. The DLA is a vital part of our income and helps me so much for financing the parts of Charlie’s childhood that he needs.

I have been thinking more about making an official complaint against the LA and it is definitely something I am driven to do. And I have realised I do all these school runs but they add up over the week. It is 40 miles a week. So I will be putting in a claim for transport, as that is many miles in my little car and undoubtedly will put a strain on my car.

Anyway lots to do, and very happy to be signing off for the weekend. We are almost back to normality.

Georgina x

What a funny week.

I was never sure how a transition from a school holiday and back into school was going to go. And Charlie has done amazing. He has absolutely smashed it. I am so proud of my little man, he has done 4.5 days this week. Monday was tricky but other than that Charlie was in from 9.30am -3.30pm and that is the first time he has managed full days at school for 3 years! Never mind full weeks! What an improvement.

Me, on the other hand I have been in a dreadful phunk. I feel as though I sit by the phone all day, not wanting to do anything just incase I get a call. It’s made me have a real think about what comes next, how do we move forward. I longed for this day so much, and now it’s here I’m struggling to process it. Charlie is fine, technically he’s been transitioning since September last year so he’s had 5 months (which is exceptional, and really a testament to his challenges and trauma) to trust the school, and iron out the teething problems but now he has, and he is settled. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. I’ve gone spending all day every day with this tiny human for the best part of 2 years and then previously Charlie only attended school between 1-3hours a day so he was with me the remainder of the time. How do I transition? Maybe I should of prepared myself for that.

I did think about going back to working more hours, I did go on a couple of job interviews and applied for countless others. But what about holidays? I have no support, previously to Charlie’s diagnosis and school journey, and before I gave up work, he was with a childminder for several years. But Charlie is now 1:1 and he definitely needs 1:1 supervision, so what then? I couldn’t pay for wraparound childcare and holidays it would cripple me. I can’t rely on my older children, they deserve their holidays off to see their own friends and have their own social calendars. And I definitely can’t depend on Charlie’s other parent to take on the school holidays. Not even a week, and they have 13 weeks off! So, would it really benefit Charlie for me to work more hours.

The paperwork and life admin has absolutely overwhelmed me recently too. I have finally got my head around the short breaks and PA paperwork. That is going well, Charlie now has a TA from his school that comes on a Sunday to sit with him for an hour. This is a relationship that we will build on and eventually his PA will take him out on activities in the holidays. Which will both give me a break, and allow me to have some time with my older children guilt free, and be able to put their needs first.

I’ve almost finished the annual review paperwork for the EHCP. There was more than I’ve ever had, a lot of risk assessments, behaviour plans, reports from the occupational therapist and the speech and language therapists. A lot of it was difficult to read, and a lot was very positive. On the whole there was more positives than negatives so that was good to read. But still, going forward I want to make sure everything is up to date.

Finally, the dreaded DLA form. This is the 3rd one we have had in 4 years and I’m really hoping we get a longer award than 2 years. As having to go through this process has been really draining previously. Looking forward to getting it all done in the coming weeks and then feeling positive that we have made massive leaps from the challenges we have had to almost coming out the other side until we are faced with new challenges. I have also started thinking about bringing forward a complaint against the LA for the last 3 years and the lack of support and help that we have had and the difficult journey we have been on. What I have learnt is there was always a school for Charlie we just had to jump through so many impossible hoops to get here. And that shouldn’t be the case. I definitely need to do this, I just have to find the mental headspace to do it.

I think that’s enough for today.

Georgina x

Transition is painful & positive parenting.

Charlie had such a good week last week it was easy to think that the tide had turned and we were on the home run. But, this is Charlie and we have some testing times. Monday he totally refused to go. This is because on a Monday, the school staff don’t go in until they have had their lateral covid tests so the pupils can’t go in until all the staff have been tested. Just this simple change of routine is enough to send Charlie out of whack, and he can’t get his head around the change. I think Mondays will be very testing. Charlie went all day Tuesday (yay) and then today I got the dreaded call. After 2.5 hours, he had a meltdown, worst the school have seen and I had to go and collect him. This is sad news for us. We are going to have a decompress day at home tomorrow and then try again on Friday.

In some ways, this is helpful. It means the school see him at his worst and will now hopefully understand his triggers and find solutions on how to work with him. Let’s hope so! We will see on Friday. It is coming at a tricky time, I am taking on more hours at work and I have a job interview for a new job too. I felt so confident on the change in him and with time for induction, training etc I thought I would have a few weeks of a full time Charlie so that I can ease myself back into work guilt free. However, that plan does seem to be failing on me now. Was this too naïve? Should I of known better? Ahhh these questions will taunt me!

Today, I did a positive parenting course with Amy McCready. It was only a free 1 hour webinar that introduced you to her work and gave you an option to sign up to the course and it’s modules. It was $200 so it’s not entirely in my budget, but I did take bits away from it and I will look into the books and do a bit more research into this method. I’ve popped a link below to the website and the course.

Online Parenting Course for Parents of Toddlers to Teens ⎸ Positive Parenting Solutions

Part of the issues I have with managing to parent Charlie is because he doesn’t respond to traditional parenting. His ASD and attachment disorder means he needs another form of parenting. Can I get access to this? No! Not one professional has ever referred me to a different style parenting course, website or resources. I have had to gather my own information, research and come to my own conclusions! With no real direction to see if I am in the right direction. Another positive, is that it gives us a chance to address these issues before the EHCP AR (annual review) which will be after half term now. Fingers crossed it’s a nice easy one, but none of them have been easy so far! We’ve only had 2, both at different placements and both ending with placement can’t meet need. I will do a more comprehensive blog when we have the review.

I do have some good news though, I’m beginning to feel as though this blog is a bit negative. Charlie met my boyfriend on Saturday, and it went fabulously! I am so pleased. It gave me such a lot of anxiety, timing it, and the seriousness of the relationship. Was I ready to introduce someone to my children, was he ready? Is it serious enough of a relationship to warrant meeting the kids in the first place! But I’m glad I did it, because it was absolutely the right time and he is absolutely the right person to be meeting the children. And we are absolutely going forward with this relationship.

It is absolutely Baltic out there, stay warm and well people.

Georgina x

Charlie is Star of the Week!

Wow what a turnaround! I can’t believe the change in Charlie this week. It seems crazy, and I can’t quite believe the change of events. Charlie is absolutely loving school. There was a decision made to change his classroom after Christmas. I was dubious about this, because Charlie hates change, and I though it would lead to regression and set him back. My anxiety on this was at an all time high! However, it turns out that this has been the best decision for Charlie and that the decision to move him classrooms was absolutely the right thing to do.

Charlie has missed out on so much. Having a peer group, having a best friend, enjoying a learning, creative, nurturing environment and of course the ability to attend education that suits him. The difference in having an independent specialist school is that if mornings are too difficult, for whatever reason then he can come in at whatever time suits him. He initiates activities, it is very child led and they learn through play which is very nurturing. It’s almost as if he’s back in Reception, which makes my heart feel heavy as he is 9 years old. However, this is what is necessary, for him to repair the damage that was caused by inappropriate placements.

It’s hard now, when Charlie has done an astonishing 18 hours in education this week, that this little boy used to run off, attack, scratch, kick anyone who even attempted to encourage him into school. That the thought of going to school was so terrifying for him that he would rather not go. That the thought of being separated from me for a whole day was so difficult for him that the answer was to go into fight or flight mode. What a corner we have turned.

It is not quite done yet. We still have more steps to take before I can really say he’s fully transitioned. We have to do a Monday after the weekend. It is really difficult to engage Charlie after the weekends. Also, sticking on transitions, after a school holiday. Transitioning him back into school, that too will be challenging and we will have to see how he manages and what can be done to make sure that the transition is as smooth as it can be. And that is when I will finally believe it is true. When we are in a position that Charlie bounces back into school, after any sort of break at all.

Charlie even went swimming today, so again another barrier and something that helps his development and sensory needs so much that it benefits him. He asked to ring me after swimming because he just needed to hear my voice. And again, that is why this sort of placement is ideal for Charlie. Because, they are the little touches that make him feel so secure which means this placement has been a success.

If anyone is wondering what I am doing with all this spare time I have accumulated, believe me it’s not drinking cocktails and lunching like I have no responsibilities. Even, without the pandemic, I still wouldn’t be doing those things because there is just so much to do. We are due an EHCP Annual Review, which I have some evidence gathering and paperwork to do for. Our DLA claim has a little over 4 months left before it renews so I will also be gathering evidence and support for that. I regularly research so many therapies, vitamins/supplements and dietary ingredients to make sure Charlie is not missing any nutrients or anything that may make life that little bit easier on him. There is always a form to fill in, an assessment that needs completing, a review that is overdue and this is the life admin of a SEN child. Charlie will keep me busy for a long time. Not to mention the fact that the house ends up in disrepair and gets neglected a lot! And I have a paid employment role with ongoing training.

However, that is taking away the joy of this special day and how far Charlie has come along his journey. I am so pleased with his progress and I must of told him 1000 times tonight how special his is and how proud everyone is of him for conquering his demons, being brave and giving school the best of chances.

Here’s to a happy weekend.

Georgina x

Raising a hero.

On Monday, I had a call from a new paediatrician, one that has not worked with Charlie before. She advised that she wanted to find a solution without the need for medication. And I agree, if we can get through without medication then we should. She did however have a whole list of new strategies for me to try and that is what I have spent the last couple of days doing so that I could share with you all the links and information just in case it helps support someone else.

Her first suggestion was horse therapy. Charlie already has horse therapy so for us that is not relevant. However, I want to just point out again the benefits of horses and horse therapy and that it really can make a difference to a child if they engage in it.

The second suggestion was to check out the work of two key public speakers on autism, read their work and look into any of their talks that they have done. I have tagged them below.

Welcome to Temple Grandin's Official Autism Website

Professor Simon Baron-Cohen :: Cambridge Neuroscience

Simon Baron-Cohen has heaps of podcasts, articles, books and contributes to the autistic world in a way that has now earnt him a Queen’s honours award in 2021.

I’ve been waiting for a referral for clinical psychology but the wait time is 2 years long. Unfortunately, this is too long for us. However, it has been noted on Charlie’s hospital file that should he come into hospital then someone from the autism clinical psychology department (if available) will meet us there and we will be followed up. This reassures me greatly. Charlie has had 2 very traumatic experiences at the hospital, one when they gave him a blood test, and one when he needed 6 teeth removed! Because of this, Charlie has developed a fear of the hospital and now has PTSD whenever we have any health appointments which makes life very difficult. The consultant told me that the clinical psychology department have uploaded the workshops onto YouTube. I have not been able to locate them, however, I have found a number of other vidoes which may help. I will share the links

Emotional Regulation Part 1 - Bing video

Emotional Regulation Part 2 - Bing video

DBT Peer Connections Ep 4a – Emotion Regulation Skills Introduction - Bing video

Emotion Regulation. What causes emotional reactions and how can we modify them? - Bing video

ARCVic Anxiety Week Seminar - Dr Cathy Stevens, Clinical Psychologist - YouTube (sleep)

School Anxiety - Bing video

Mental Health Education Series: Anxiety Disorders - Bing video

Isn’t the internet fantastic. There are so many resources out there that I can be getting on with while we are waiting for further appointments.

The final point the consultant has was to get in touch with a local autism charity. They have been on my radar but we haven’t had any support from them yet. By chance, yesterday I logged into my work emails and found a link to some autism training by that very charity that my workplace had organised. The universe sure has a way of sending you where you need to be!! Through this training I found out about parental and psychosocial training. Training in autism that helps you manage your child’s autism, I have looked today and there really isn’t much free content! Which is disappointing. But I have found a couple of course (one paid) and some research on the benefits of parental training when raising a child with autism. I’m a bit disappointed that I have never been offered any training and if in some way I should just “know” funnily enough I have been on other parenting courses aimed at neurological children! As if it was my parenting that was at fault, despite raising 2 other children with no difficulties! That is frustrating. I have put all the links below.

Understanding Autism, Asperger's and ADHD - Free courses - University of Derby

Autism 101 Online Course - Autism Society (autism-society.org)

Autism, stress and anxiety (National Autistic Society, has many courses all incurring cost)

Parentstress.pdf - research into parenting training and the benefits.

Charlie is of course my hero, how he manages in this world I will never know. I am never upset about Charlie and his disabilities but I am always upset by the lack of support, education and compassion that there is around him. For now though I have days and days worth of YouTube videos and reading to do in order to skill myself up and raise my hero.

Georgina x

I

To contact a local

No school again this week - things have got to change.

We’ve had a really rubbish week. Horse riding was cancelled due to storm Christoph, and because of storm Christoph we’ve had some rubbish nights sleep, some nights only getting 2 hours because of the wind and the rain. Part of Charlie’s sensory processing means that he’s unable to filter out background noise so the storm was really terrifying for him. We honestly can’t win, in the winter months we are battling storms and windy weather and in summer we are battling the heat, which makes Charlie’s skin really sensitive. On top of the noise from outside and the light of the day coming in from the street. Having the windows open because he can’t cope with the noise of the fan, yet the windows open means there is a lot more noise outside! It really is never ending. But I choose winter every time as it is a lot more kinder on Charlie than summer.

Anyway, I digress,,, Monday was point blank refusal and melt down. I’ve noticed the transition from weekend to weekday is starting to affect Charlie so I’m going to have to put in place some changes to help smooth that transition. Unfortunately this will mean no more later nights and no more treat/movie nights. It seems incredibly unfair, but if it’s the transition he’s struggling with then there must be limited transitions, and this is a way I can limit them.

Tuesday was of course horse riding which was cancelled. Wednesday was awful! Thursday slightly better, and Friday there was no school but I did manage to get Charlie out in the car for a drive. Other than the couple of school runs he hasn’t left the house at all and it is really difficult. The sensory overload he has when he leaves the house means that leaving the house is minimal to reduce demands and anxiety.

Anxiety! Thursday, I had a call from the community paediatrician waiting list team to book us in for an appointment. I explained to her, the secretary (who are all very lovely) that community peads wasn’t what we needed and that a referral to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service) is what we needed. I explained why, that it was because of medication. She stated she would investigate and get back to me, I didn’t want to take up resources and time of an appointment for something that was unnecessary. A few hours later she rang back with an appointment for Monday….. with a community paediatrician. Apparently the secretary went back to SPOA (who I raised concerns with that we had been referred to the wrong department in December) and they have suggested that Charlie is too young for medication.

I am exhausted! The months Charlie has been without support, and there is no support, I have tried there is none!!! And then the alternative is medication, and now it feels as though they are gate keeping this medication. And being selective over who is able to be prescribed it. I know 100% this is not the correct way of determining if Charlie can have medication.

This week has left me mentally drained, it is also January the worst ever month of the year. And the no progress at school is also so draining. I have to give a shout out to the family liaison officer who is always so positive and willing to try, even though I must sound so exasperated by it all! Her energy really does drive me.

So new plan for school next week. This is a welcome change for me for sure having Charlie settled in an educational environment is still the main aim and has got to be my number one battle. But Charlie is one of 3 children and right now my middle child is suffering and needs my attention and it is causing such a lot of mum guilt for me. I have taken the decision to send my daughter to my sister’s for a few days, so she can get the attention and space she deserves. It is insane that the family has to physically fall apart and break down before help and support is allocated. It makes me wonder how many other families suffer and get to breaking point, or do in fact break before the services they desperately need get involved and make them a priority.

I wish I wasn’t as drained as I am. I wish I had sufficient breaks and support. I wish I wasn’t a solo parent and that there was the person equally attached to Charlie to lighten this mental load. I think some of the issues I have is that I expect there to be an equal person and there isn’t. That support is not and has never truly been there, and I have to leave that expectation at the door. It really is a double ended sword because I need that person to step up to the responsibility to give me the support and breaks I need, to be at the very best I can be to deliver care to our child. It is very unfortunate that it is not there, more so for Charlie and his siblings, it is only them that misses out on the gift of 2 parents that are equally dedicated and committed to their children.

I will try to update on Monday! No guarantees unfortunately. I also have lots of topic blogs to write, on personal care, sensory processing and being a sibling in a family with a child with disabilities. So will definitely try and get those written.

Georgina x

Online bullying and harassment.

I felt as though I needed to write about this as it is still quite present and unfortunately active in our lives. I started writing it on December 14th and have to keep coming back to it as it triggers me so much. Charlie plays online a lot, I have to supervise every second, the minute I don’t it is the potential for someone to take advantage of Charlie and that is simply a road I don’t want to go down. It’s challenging enough to raise children without the fear that your child would be targeted by an online bully. It honestly is the worst fear a parent can have. Unfortunately for a SEN child the risks are even higher, because of speech and language barriers and the risks of communication misinterpretation it is an even bigger worry for our children.

Children can say some hurtful and harmful words that stick with a child, long after the word has been said and the child has moved on from the argument. For children, it damages their self worth, esteem and confidence and sometimes the damage is irreparable. But what about when adults do it? That is even more dehumanising, an adult one in their thirties say should not be posting on social media derogatory personal insults about an individual, I think it says more about them as a person than what it does about the person they are insulted.

It is a coward’s way of arguing, a simple keyboard warrior and we can give children that benefit of doubt but anyone over the age of 25 that behaves like this is a bully plain and simple. A cyber bully, as described in the Cambridge Dictionary is:

someone who uses the internet to harm or frighten another person

Using the internet to intentional harm someone’s feelings is beyond reproach in my opinion and it is even worse when it is aimed at a vulnerable child or adult. Let’s not forget that our children will someday become vulnerable adults and it may not be possible to provide support to them 24/7. I have shockingly witnessed grown women abusing others over the internet, giving insults, commenting on dress sense and hair styles and being offensive over a person’s mental illness and disability. When I see men and women in their 30s that behave like this, and have teenage children I pity them. I pity them and hope that their own children never suffer from the wrath of someone like their own parents. I wonder if they stop and think about the person they are bullying online and how they would feel if someone was being offensive and insulting about their child’s dress sense, hairstyle or disability.

Unfortunately bullying someone online isn’t illegal, It really should be because the damage it does is horrific and affects families, not just individuals. However harassment is. Harassment, discrimination or victimisation is legally covered by the Equality Act 2010. It is illegal to discriminate or victimise a person based on their disability. I have popped a link below.

Equality Act 2010: guidance - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Of course, children with SEN, ASD and additional needs don’t always know they are being bullied, harassed or discriminated against. The often lack the mental capacity, self awareness, social cues and communication skills that are needed to respond to bullies and keep themselves safe online. This has been a growing concern for parents and carers especially for those that have SEN children. Young Minds, a national charity did some extensive research packed with information about the impact of cyberbullying on children. The link is below

pcr144b_social_media_cyberbullying_inquiry_full_report.pdf (youngminds.org.uk)

As you can see, I feel very passionate about cyber bullying and I want to raise as much awareness as I can, because the affects are truly damaging and we all must do our part to keep vulnerable children safe. There are some resources here to help with identifying bullying and free online training, please look, read and share.

Bullying worksheets for kids; gradeschool anit bullying worksheets (keepyourchildsafe.org)

Classifying Bullying Lessons, Worksheets and Activities (teacherplanet.com)

Free cyberbullying resources for teachers - Childnet

Free Workplace Violence and Harassment Training Power Point - Eversafe Training Inc.

Free CPD online training | Anti-Bullying Alliance (anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk)

I know I could write all night about this subject. But as it goes, Charlie is sat next to me wanting to go on TikTok (one of the worst) and I won’t even entertain that idea without supervising him.

I’m sorry it took so long to get out.

Georgina x

Scheduling advocating doesn't work but we have the best news!

Last week, I came up with a plan that on Monday I would try and catch up with life admin and on a Friday I would try my best to advocate for Charlie and chase things that he needs. This did not work! Although I did leave a message last Friday to the SEND officer in regards to our respite hours. So I did get a little advocacy done.

It became clear on Sunday, that my plan wouldn’t work. I had agreed on Friday to complete my hours for my job at home on Monday, I had also agreed with school to send Charlie in at 2pm. On a Monday my eldest son is at home all day as he is doing remote learning for college, so I use that time on a Monday to go food shopping (it is painful for Charlie to come with me, I will do a sensory processing post at some point) get petrol, do a post office run and any other life admin jobs I might have that means leaving the house. I suddenly realised that I had stretched myself too thin and it was impossible to organise all this and survive the day. Unfortunately school gave, I had thought it might, as it’s so hard to transition Charlie back into school when he has been out for an extended period of time.

I had completely forgotten about the email to the SEND officer, and today missed a call off a number but had an answer machine message. Unfortunately I was unable to answer it but I rang back and it was the short breaks manager. Short breaks is the respite service our Local Authority use, this was decided after a social care assessment that concluded that I needed support with Charlie. I will pop some links below.

Finding respite care | Disability charity Scope UK

Your needs as a carer | Contact

The manager was lovely and agreed that they couldn’t meet the needs of Charlie, he was on a waiting list but it could be several months before he was allocated time in their service (I know it’s more likely to be years) so I could apply for direct payments and employ a carer for Charlie using my hours. Again I’ve popped a link on.

Direct Payments - Carers UK

This isn’t what I wanted, I wanted Charlie to have access to support services in the community which would give him a chance to socialise with his peers. But understandably, we are over stretched and underfunded. So when I explained that Charlie was only accessing 2-3 hours of school a week, it had been like that since September, and when I did take him I sat in the carpark she doubled the hours. That’s right, you read right!! She doubled the hours there an then!! After being extremely apologetic that I have lost out so far, acknowledging that I have accrued 11 hours and I have no way of receiving that, the next financial year I can have extra. Clearly, the hope is by the following year Charlie will be full time in school (I hope, I can only pray - he hasn’t done full time since he was 5) and then he can go back to his original hours with the plan of hopefully gaining some hours in a community based activity centre. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves it’s a long way off!!

For now, I am going to enjoy the prospect of 11 hours in the February half term holidays and at least then I can spend some much needed time with my other children.

Georgina x

County lines and vulnerable children.

I have just completed an online awareness webinar on county lines. For those of you that don’t know, county lines is the gang related drug trafficking from big urban cities to smaller cities and towns in the countryside. It has gained popularity in recent years due to the increasing number of children they are exploiting. This is called child criminal exploitation and attacks the most vulnerable in our society.

The links are below.

Are You Listening? | Leicestershire Police (leics.police.uk)

County Lines - National Crime Agency

County Lines & Child Exploitation | The Children's Society

I am due to start training next week as a mentor for children that are at risk of CCE (child criminal exploitation) and although it is in my professional capacity, I am also worried about children like Charlie that are so vulnerable and are easily manipulated by situations like these. This is why I am sharing this post and awareness with you.

Children that are disabled and have any form of disability or SEN are more likely to be vulnerable. They are more likely to end up in criminal activity and they are more likely to be excluded from school. This was a valid concern of mine when Charlie was in the PRU. The results from research on excluded children and the risk of criminality are heartbreaking. I have included a link.

Excluded, exploited, forgotten: Childhood criminal exploitation and school exclusions | Just For Kids Law

Sharing with you this information, hopefully we can all become a little bit more aware of the dangers that lurk for our vulnerable children. Hopefully as I develop in my new role, I will be able to share with you more training tools and together we can stamp out predators and protect our children a little more.

I have started another blog on the dangers of cyber bullying and the vulnerability of our children online. I hope this blog is useful, bit out of the ream of what I normally post but felt it was too important a message to pass on.

Georgina x

Dating when you have an additional needs child.

Following on from my previous blog around the joys of solo parenting, it feels right that I should add in this lovely blog about dating when you have a child with additional needs. Or a child that needs parenting in a different style than traditional parenting.

Charlie’s father and I separated when Charlie was just 7 weeks old, it was a terrible time and of course I had no idea at that point that Charlie would have any of the struggles and difficulties in his life that he would have. It was December 2011 when we separated and I did not date again until 2014. It was a personal choice, as I was raising 3 children, working full time, running a home and doing an Open University degree, dating wasn’t on my mind at all. Between 2014-2017 I went on many many dates, some just first dates, some 2nd and 3rd dates but no-one that really made me believe that there was a future with them and for my children.

In 2017 I met someone who I honestly really believed would be a permanent fixture in our lives. I thought that there was a future with him so I introduced him to the children. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be and we split up 7 months later. The problem with this is that Charlie has an attachment disorder that means anyone that he bonds with and forms an attachment with, if they leave him it can leave him so emotionally insecure and fragile. The breaking of attachment bonding gives Charlie low self esteem and confidence. There is a link here on attachment disorder:

Attachment disorder | The Good Schools Guide

Charlie’s attachment disorder is a direct result from me and his dad splitting up and being separated from his father in the early years of his life. It is absolutely crucial for Charlie that I limit any types of attachment so that if he does break that attachment bond, I can limit the trauma from it. I have to be very selective as to who I let into Charlie’s life and try and make sure there is no further damage to him. And because of that, I have been very selective to who I date and and who I introduce the children to. Thankfully up until now it has only been one person but unfortunately that relationship wasn’t successful although because of my ability to tune into Charlie’s needs I was able to avoid any further trauma. After 2017 I decided not to date for some time and in 2018 I started my postgraduate degree. There was a date here and there but not on the levels I had experienced earlier on in my 30’s.

Unfortunately choosing someone to date and build a relationship is so much harder when you have a child with additional needs. Not only have you got to navigate dating with children, co-parenting issues that may threaten new relationships but there is the added issues that the person you are dating will not understand your child’s mannerisms, quirks, demands, lack of social cues, challenging behaviour or communication needs.

In the past here are the lovely comments I have had off men I have dated:

  • Why is he that naughty?

  • Why don’t you tell him off?

  • I can’t believe you allow that

  • Can’t you smack him (never saw that guy again)

  • Can’t he live with his dad?

  • I resent the fact I can’t spend any time with you

  • Why do you care so much?

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I have had a fair few conversations on dates where I have the response on a man’s face that I just know it won’t go passed the first date because he would never understand our life and my parenting style and most importantly Charlie.

However, the universe listened and has sent me the most incredible man into our lives to help rebuild our lives and look forward to the future. I’m very happy to have had the experiences that I have, good or bad because it is what has made me into the strong woman I am today and reinforced my confidence and trust in raising Charlie and his siblings and knowing that I always put them first.

Here’s to the future.

Georgina x

Back to solo parenting we go

Well the co-parenting lasted several months, but if I’m honest Charlie’s father has only seen him once since Halloween so for a fair few months I have been solo parenting again. That, with the news that this lockdown means Charlie’s father has decided that he does not want contact with Charlie until we are out of it! Please do not message me regarding the rules for separated parents, Charlie’s father has refused to acknowledge them and thinks it’s in his (not Charlie’s) best interests that he doesn’t contact him. To be honest the contact is sketchy at best and there is no other contact methods in between. No calls, facetimes or texts other than the weekend contact arrangements as Charlie’s father has him on a Saturday while I work.

I am a critical key worker, and I work in a contact centre with vulnerable children who are in foster placements having contacts with their biological families. I love my job, I love supporting a charity that put children first and provide a much needed space for children to have positive engaging contact and ensure they have secure attachments associated with their birth families. I will be devastated to give up this job if the childcare arrangements fall through.

I am very fortunate that right now I am able to continue working from home, and that gives me great pleasure as it means my job is secure. However, I have just applied for another role within the charity working as a mentor to support children at risk of child criminal exploitation. I’m absolutely thrilled with this and can’t wait to get trained up and started, after years of studying criminology and social politics it is definitely something that I feel I can use my skills for.

Solo parenting isn’t only about lack of contact, it’s all the other stuff too. All the meetings, assessments, reviews that I have to attend alone. All the medical appointments, dental, hospital and therapy appointments I have to attend alone. All the bedtime routines and personal care I have to do, alone. Which is fine, Charlie is my child and I love him to death and I will 1000% always advocate and care for him - but damn I would love a bit of support and help at times! It’s only right when there is a 2nd parent, there is no need to be a solo parent.

That’s enough of this heavy business for now.

Georgina x

Home schooling and advocating

We have done zero seconds of home schooling and I am not at all ashamed of that, I carry no guilt. Charlie’s school journey, is so incredibly fragile that one more crack and it might shatter it completely. For those that are new to us and haven’t read the beginning blog, Charlie was permanently excluded from mainstream primary at 5. This was his 2nd mainstream school after I removed him from his first. After, Charlie went to a Pupil Referral Unit while we worked on an EHCP. He then went to a 3rd primary mainstream school, on an EHCP whereby he was permanently excluded once again by 7. Charlie bounced back in the PRU which coincidently broke down as a placement a few months later. The LA named a SEN school 35 miles away, that was inappropriate not only for the travelling and his high anxiety but there are no onsite therapies and a timeline for progress, Charlie would be in the nurture group and if he was unable to access the main school after 12 months I would have to change the placement!! The placement was only up to 14 also.

So I took the LA to tribunal and won! I won an independent specialist provision 5 miles away with onsite therapy , which Charlie can attend until he is 19. Also, there is no pressure to move out of the nurture unit he can stay there, especially in Primary until he is ready for secondary. Academically he is working at aged 5/6 however, cognitively he is 9 years old. This makes it very difficult to teach Charlie I am sure he still has some major barriers to learning. My choice of school was always best for Charlie, I am the expert in Charlie.

Safety, obviously a huge point given the pandemic, and I honestly wouldn’t be sending Charlie if I felt there was a risk to him or the staff. He will be in a building with multiple rooms and he will be able to distance himself in a room with his 1:1 and it is very unlikely that others will join him. He is going into a new unit, where there are only 2 other students. So there will be 6 people (staff and students) to 10-12 rooms. I’ve not been in the new unit yet, so unsure exactly how it will look, but it will have a sensory room which is fantastic for Charlie.

Unfortunately there is no horse riding, which is going to really affect Charlie as it was such a positive effect on him. And we are in Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for 1 hour to begin with, I’ll be in the car park if anyone needs me.

Today I have contacted the LA once again to ask about respite, it has been 3 months since our final EHCP was issued and although we were awarded 50 hours annually respite care unfortunately this has never materialised. It is such a small number of hours for Charlie’s needs but over 3 months that has actually equated to 12/13 hours which put together would of been a substantial welcomed respite break for me. I obviously will have advocate for both extra hours and some hours in the first place.

I have decided as much as I can to do admin on a Monday and advocacy work on a Friday, unfortunately all too often the work that goes into caring and advocating for Charlie is so overwhelming, pretty soon if I am not organised it becomes too much and vital emails and assessments are missed. Classic case of carers burnout, which was what the assessment for respite was!!!

Still no news on SPOA and a referral for anxiety meds, this was also on my advocacy list.

I will eagerly await the return of school, and all the transition traumas that come with it.

Georgina x

Back to school 2021

THIS POST CONTAINS MY STRONG VIEWS AROUND CORONAVIRUS, THESE ARE MY OWN VIEWS, AND OF THE GOVERNMENT AND THE CHOICES AROUND EDUCATION.

This week should of been the week that children go back to the classroom. However, in true British style, there is another covid-19 national lockdown. This infuriates me for a number of reasons. Including, and not limited to:

  • We are not teachers, let alone SEN teachers

  • We are not therapists.

  • We can’t possibly do the work of the therapists that are trained to do what they do. Therapists are too highly trained

  • School staff were undoubtedly an afterthought when the powers that be decided on things like going back to the classroom, testing and PPE.

  • School staff deserve to work in safety like other industries.

  • They are key workers.

  • They take care of critical key worker’s children. This means they are critical key workers too.

  • Schools and education are our children’s future

  • Even elective home educators are being let down in this pandemic.

As you can see I’m quite vocal on it. And despite my joy that Charlie can go back, I know that it is an incredibly difficult time for many, with unfortunately a lot of judgement from communities that believe in what they think is right.

It also infuriates me as I truly believe that in this country, we have lacked positive stable leadership that has lead to a number of mistakes and poor decisions and this has made the situation so much worse. As I spoke about on the Christmas blog, I had a friend stay with me over Christmas my friend was from Ukraine an Eastern European country. The situation there is very different!!

  • Their capital city city Kyiv is 323 square miles with a population of 3million people.

  • The whole of the Ukraine is 233,100 square miles and a population of 44,390 million.

  • London has a population of almost 9million and is 607 square miles.

  • England has a population of 58 million and is 51,328 square miles.

  • The rate of deaths in Ukraine as a whole is 19,357 as of 6th January.

  • The rate of deaths in England is 66,626 as of 6th January.

As you can see there is a vast difference in the way the cities and countries have been handling the virus and the effect that it has has on the countries. This both shocks me and infuriates me. My friend had to self isolate when she got here, and was only able to travel locally for walks/outdoor activities. We saw one other person, outside. Once her self isolation was up, she did get a chance to explore a bit further however, we didn’t go far and we didn’t have long to explore, again we only visited places outside. After she flew home she is now self isolating in Ukraine for a further 2 weeks.

And this is why I am so upset at the government’s handling of this pandemic, Ukraine is 4 times the size of England and there is just 14 million people difference. The sheer size of the population of London, why did they ever go into tier 2!!! What happened there? It is a huge densely populated area, tier 2 was the wrong decision.

And now, we are all suffering, spikes in cases and deaths from the virus means that we are all back in a national lockdown and we are even more frightened of the deadly killer virus than we ever have been. There is a new strain and this is exclusive to England, why? Because we didn’t take more strict draconian measures when we should and the failings from the government in leadership skills and not following covid secure measures and models from international countries (New Zealand) has meant we really are in a pickle.

So back to school!! We have been given the go ahead to go back. This will always be done with the safety of the staff members. Luckily, Charlie’s school means that he will have an exclusive 1:1 and exclusive classroom just for his use. if you have been following me for some time, you will know Charlie only accesses education for 1 hour twice a week with 1 hour horse riding. However, horse riding will not be available to him during this lockdown. So although, it might seem like a massive achievement to get him into school, actually it only equates to 2 hours 3 maximum.

Extra measures have been put in, and the school staff will be tested every Monday morning. A positive test would mean the whole school closes and a deep clean will take place.

I for one am looking forward to my 2 hours of respite and making sure Charlie’s barrier to learning is not damaged any more.

We all have our own way of dealing with this awful virus please don’t bash each other about it (feel free to bash the government though).

Love G XX

Christmas 2020

Apologies for the late blog on our Christmas. Where do I start? As normal, for us, probably for many of you too - Christmas is as calm and quiet as I can get it. I go out of my way to slip into the background and make it as calm as I possibly can. Being a single parent means Christmas is twice as difficult, what is a job for 2 people, I take care of myself. The presents that the children have are my responsibility, and without me putting thought and effort into each individual child’s presents, they would have a miserable empty day! And I’m not doing that to my children.

So Christmas is low key. Some great tips that I have found include:

  • Minimising decorations

  • Tree up for minimum days

  • Make Christmas last as short as possible

  • Attend SEN/ASD friendly festive activities

  • Allow time to open presents, maybe boxing day or Christmas Eve

  • Remember overwhelm leads to sensory meltdowns

  • Listen to your child

This Christmas I had help, it was the first Christmas in 8 years that I had a friend here to stay for the whole 2 week period. It did mean we had to self isolate and couldn’t mix with any other households (unless outside) but the lift of feeling less isolated and supported through Christmas was really amazing and really worth saving my mental health for.

As for Christmas festive activities, Santa came to visit and we watched lots of movies! Played board games, card games, ate a humongous roast beef dinner and had lots of 24 hour challenges. That really was a thing!! The late nights eventually caught up with us, and thankfully we started to turn it around ready for this week.

Christmas has been lovely, not the normal dreaded stressed out experience I’m used to. Fun fact: I used to be sick every year! My body just couldn’t cope with the pressures of Christmas, and I would either have sickness and the shits! Or I would be so fatigued I couldn’t manage the days after, or I would have the flu, or another respiratory condition (I had asthma as a child). Having someone else to help carry the load is just so precious.

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas.

Gina x