If someone had said to me back in 2017, take some time for yourself, self care is important, you are important, I would of laughed in their face. There was no way 3 years ago I would be in a position to even have 5 minutes alone (as I write this, Charlie is about 3 metres away playing on the PlayStation). We’ve had some pretty tough years, but 2017 was particular difficult, Charlie was 3 months into a new mainstream school placement and either school refusing or being excluded on a daily basis. This was after he had been restrained, or removed from classrooms. What I didn’t know back then, other than the fact Charlie was more sensitive and harder to parent than my other 2 was that he actually had special educational needs and actually mainstream school would never be the correct place to educate him.

So 2017, after he was permanently excluded from Reception at the age of 5 and sent to a pupil referral unit, sent me into a deep depressive state. In these dark times, Charlie wouldn’t leave my side, he was so traumatised from school and the pupil referral unit could only admit him for 1 hour a day. I had to do everything I needed to in that one hour, and then he would come back in an even worse state. We lived off takeaways as I couldn’t even leave him to go and cook, the food shop was delivered online and god help any emergency because the thought of me leaving him caused a huge meltdown.

I signed off work sick, back then I was working part time for the NHS in a job I deeply enjoyed and had 8 years service, a work schedule that was easily managed for the children, plenty of time to balance work and life and a monthly pay cheque which was generous for part time hours. Not to mention £40 being deposited into a pension scheme that would look after me in later life. Charlie’s SEN came as a huge shock and something none of us were prepared for, unfortunately while I was off sick I developed appendicitis and had to have my appendix removed. A complicated surgery for me, as I had 3 previous emergency caesarean sections so it was more complex. Two days after being admitted to hospital and 1 day after surgery I discharged myself, there was no one to look after Charlie and I would struggle to rest if I was in hospital, I needed to be at home and begged for it. I also needed intravenous antibiotics but like the blood transfusion I should of had after Charlie was born I ignored it and went home anyway.

There’s no one to take care of my family, my home, my bills, my life admin or Charlie’s needs but me. I’m more than just a single mum flying solo with fleeting appearances of a father that just watches Charlie while I work (so I can continue to work) I am on my own, there’s no parents to pick up, and give me a break, no grandparents, and my only sibling lives 70 miles away in a different county. I’m all alone. Which is why I can never allow 2017 to happen again! I can’t work myself into the ground balancing all the balls, and risk dropping one, last time I dropped me, next time who knows what it might be.

So now I love self care. I practice it, I enjoy it. The hot tub this weekend was my treat to myself. Obviously the children have loved every second of it and it benefitted Charlie! But also, feeling weightless, calm and relaxed in that space meant that I have been able to take care of myself and actually feel so much better for it. Plus the benefits it gives Charlie means we’ve had a lovely weekend all around.

As we head into December next week, this is the toughest time of year for our little ones, and I will need all the self care I can get. Will be writing a post on surviving Christmas soon.

Georgina x